Gilded Mess
Golden Chaos
by Colette Rhodes
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Once upon a time, there was a young girl named Goldilocks, who innocently wandered into a home owned by a family of bears… Okay, my name is Ria. And I may have broken in, but I was high and it was cold outside. Oh, and the bears were actually shifters. Potayto, potahto. The point is, I’m kind of a wreck. Plus, I robbed my cheating, lying a-hole of an ex-boyfriend on my way out the door and he’s not thrilled about it, so I’m stuck with these three distractingly attractive men for the time being — one of whom is weirdly hung up on the whole breaking and entering thing. What could go wrong? | Life isn’t a fairytale, but for a few days I got to pretend it was. Now I’m back in my childhood bedroom in New York, eating breakup ice cream and listening to early 2000s emo music. Whatever, this was the wake-up call I needed. It’s time for Ria 2.0. No more bailouts. No more half-baked projects. No more impulsive decisions. Simple, right? Except my ex-boyfriend wants to drop the ex part, the three bears aren’t so willing to let their Goldilocks go, and their mother is more Wicked Witch than Mama Bear. How am I supposed to pull it together when chaos follows everywhere I go? |
Spice Level: 4.75/6 | Story Score: 8/10 | Rating: 5/5 |
I’m pretty sure that I saw this cover on a TikTok video and, don’t ask me why, I’m a sucker for a gorgeous blond bombshell on a cover. Add that to the fact that I was looking for some different fairytale retellings (beside the disney princess stories), and this one was perfect. I don’t think I can put it on the trope challenge though. This was a RH (which I’ve already used) and a fairytale retelling (already used). Beyond that, each guy had his own storyline, so it doesn’t seem fair to put it on there.
This is a dirty shifter version of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. Hello, classic fairytale without a princess! I had no idea what I would think of it but now that I’m finished, I am beyond thrilled that I read it! If you like Signs of Cupidity, READ THIS BOOK. It was a duet, the one story was split between two books, so I’ll be reviewing them together since it’s required for the whole story. However, if you’re okay with unhappy endings, you COULD stop at the end of the first one.
Stranded in a remote Alaskan forest, Ria (our female main character) figures out that her boyfriend is a cheating tool. Not one to take it easily, she steals his weed, his gun, and smashes his phone before deciding that she is leaving, hopefully heading down the mountain to the road. Instead, being high and not direction-savvy, she finds another cabin in the forest. Because why not, she lets herself in and eats their food, breaks a chair, and tests out the beds. (Goldilocks!) Noah, Seth, and Eli (our male main characters) come home and find her. The rest of the story is the romance and overcoming obstacles.
Firstly, I enjoyed Ria. She was relatable on a level that was uncomfortable for me - though not everyone will get that. My only issue is that she’s supposed to be 29 and really, she was more on par with me at like 22-24. Honestly, age is irrelevant though. She is sassy, witty, bratty, kind, impulsive, horny… She is hilarious (she’ll tell you so herself). She starts out a mess and grows steadily through the books in a way that you cheer her on and you’re proud of at the end.
Secondly, the guys are a good mixture of personalities. The most difficult thing about them for me was the fact that they’re brothers and in my head, that messes me up. (When they have kids, are they all dad? Do their children not have uncles? That’s sad to me and confusing.) ANYWAY! Eli is playful and affectionate like only the baby of a family can be because he’s been sheltered from the brunt of life’s harshness. He’s honest and relentless. Once an idea is in his head, that’s it. That’s the direction he’s going. Seth is reserved and controlled in a way that an overlooked child would be. He’s also patient, intense, and intelligent. (Not to mention, kinky.) Noah is protective, strong, and responsible - as you would expect the big brother to be. He’s also broken and withdrawn until his world is turned on it’s side. The bond they have is fantastic and easy to feel as you read.
Thirdly, this story was consistent and multi-faceted. There aren’t lulls or gaps that you skip pages to get to the next part. There is a whole story and I don’t feel like I have any lingering questions or unresolved feelings. You learn something about everyone.
Fourth(ly?), there is so much quirky humor in this story. I found myself giggling and “yes, girl”ing more than I have a lot of books. While Ria can be a bit juvenile at times, she never bothered me with it. Instead, I generally just laughed. Her character is consistent enough that it makes sense for her.
-SPOILERS-
I don’t have spoilers for this book. It’s simple. There is nothing that is leaving me rant-y or rage-y. I’m so glad that I read it and I’ll encourage anyone else to also that needs something light.
I think my only bummer was that the sex scenes weren’t QUITE as descriptive as I wanted them to be. They still did their job (wink) but they weren’t as good as some others that I’ve read. Also, I really wanted the villains to suffer a bit more - but this was a comedy, so…fair enough.
Three Bears (Cheeky Fairytales) Duet | 645 Pages (269 Pages) (376 Pages) | Trope Challenge: -Not on Challenge- Main: Fairytale Retelling |
"Was he suggesting I ride on in to confront my asshole ex on top of a 1500-pound bear like a goddamn superhero? Obviously, yes. I was going to do that."
- Ria, Gilded Mess by Colette Rhodes
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